Entry #13 - Loss of Belief

I have to point out that this is a very personal entry to me, because it gives way to explanation of a lot of my beliefs.  I don't want to change the names in any of my entries, but this is the only one I have ever considered it in.  But, I won't, for the sake of "keepin' it real."  I hope I don't offend anyone.

When I was 12, my brother's best friend (who was my ex-best friend's older brother) was in a serious car accident with one of my brother's other friends, Brian.  Ramsey was the one driving, and only had a very serious injury to his head, whereas Brian had a lot of broken bones, cuts, and bruises.

At this time in my life, I had been going to church with some of my friends.  One of the things I had always remembered was that they told us if we prayed, and it was selfless, God would listen to our prayers.

Well, I was not very fond of Ramsey - he was always so mean to be, and my brother and him would gang up on me all of time.  But, I still prayed, every night, that Ramsey would be okay.  Ten days or so after the accident, and being placed in a drug-induced comma, Ramsey was declared brain dead, and his family had to "pull the plug."  After that day, I have never set foot inside of a church for any religious reason (it had been never until my trip to Europe this summer, unless you count the chapel at a cemetery).  I have never since prayed, and I do not believe in a God or a monotheistic religion with any higher power at its center of faith.

Now that it has been almost ten years (March 10, 2009 will be ten years) since his death, I realize what "good" came from his death, and the effect that it has had on the lives of those involved in it.  However, I lost my faith in the church, and I cannot trust them or in a god that lies to people and can disappoint them so much.  That may be a strong statement to make - but I have had almost ten years to think about this, and the actions of so many people and churches as a whole have continued to solidify these feelings in me.